The Hymns and Carols of Christmas

Santa Claus Is Tapping Your Phone

(How Santa Knows If You’ve Been Good)

To The Tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"

Authorship Unknown; see note below

You'd better watch out,
You'd better not cry,
You'd better not pout;
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He's bugging your room,
He's reading your mail,
He's keeping a file
And running a tail.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveils you out of doors,
And if that doesn't get the goods,
Then he'll use provocateurs.

So, you mustn't assume
That you are secure.
On Christmas Eve
He'll kick in your door.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

Supposedly written for and sung at a U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Legal Counsel, Christmas party during the Carter Administration. -- Eugene Volokh, UCLA Law

 

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