The Hymns and Carols of Christmas

The Net Is Slow

"SprintLink Song"
"(apologies to whoever wrote the real song)"

Words: Four Guys From Berkeley
"-(new lyrics by kube, bhchan, ekim, & norby)"

To The Tune of Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

Oh, the network outside is frightful,
But on campus, it's so delightful,
Our packets have nowhere to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

It doesn't show signs of stopping,
All our packets, our hosts are dropping;
Bandwidth is turned way down low,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

When we finally connect to a site,
It's time to go back to the dorm;
But if I could stay here all night,
I could submit their Web form.

The network is slowly dying,
And, I fear, we're still denying,
But as long as Sprint* is the way to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.


* The name of the provider will vary. The first copy that I saw had AOL.


I had originally listed this as "authorship unknown", but was pleased to have received this email in early October, 2012 from one of the four original authors of this parody:

Hi Doug,

i was searching the net for my song the other day and noticed your site comes up first, but with 'authorship unknown' listed for the song.

I just wanted to let you know that the lyrics were written by 4 guys at Berkeley one night when the internet was still at its infancy (1991)

-(new lyrics by kube, bhchan, ekim, & norby)
email addresses omitted

here's a usenet forum capture of the attributes from 1996:

(search for 'bhchan' since that's a pretty lengthy page)


I've omitted the full email address due to both privacy and email spamming concerns. The usenet forum post contains a lot of Christmas humor, but please note that one post contains some slightly strong language.

Thanks, Billy!

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