The Hymns and Carols of Christmas

Jingle Bells '98

Bob Rivers, Bob Riversí Twisted Tunes

From the CD,Lost Holiday Songs, by Bob Rivers & Comedy Corp.

Jingle Bells

MIDI / Noteworthy Composer

Christmas time is here.
Let's sing a little song.
'98's the year Viagra made us hard and long.

Christmas time is now.
But not all spirits bright.
The president sits on his couch alone again tonight.

Jingle bells '98,
Olympics were a bore.
Bin Lauden bombed the embassy.
Lewinsky is a whore.

Jingle bells '98,
Santa's in his sled.
Bob hope is barely hanging on and
Frank Sinatra's dead.

Bruce Willis, Demi Moore.
They had a little tiff.
Liv Tyler's in a push up bra, her dad's in Aerosmith

When Seinfeld said goodbye,
He didn't shed a tear.
He didn't need a reason why,
He's a freakin' millionaire.

Jingle bells '98,
Goodbye to Ginger Spice.
Titanic really made us cry.
Kate Winslet's boobs were nice.

Jingle bells '98,
Let's get up and dance.
Monica kept all her clothes,
But Bill took off his pants.
(This afternoon in this room, on this chair, indeed I did Monica Lewinsky.
Not appropriate. Even President's have privates.)

Sonny Bono hit a tree.
It made us cry and sob.
Mark Maguire has just hit number 70.
Listen to that cheering mob!

George Michael's in the john,
I guess he couldn't wait.
He's playing with his jingle balls,
He's on a solo date. (Book 'im)

Jingle bells '98,
Making spirits bright.
You can smoke some mistletoe
With Gilligan tonight.
(Hey, ease the days of the castaways. Yea man. Hey little buddy! Yea. Go get Ginger and Mary Jane, man. We're gonna burn a fat skipper. Yeah!)

Jingle bells '98,
Jimmy Smits looks pale.
John Glenn's in outer space.
That O.J.'s still not in jail!
(I'm still looking for the real killer.)

Jerry Springer has a show.
By trash they always fight.
He'll make a video.
Have sex with them tonight.

Oprah's movie crashed.
Titanic made the bucks.
Armageddon was a smash.
Godzilla movie sucks!

Jingle bells in '98,
Interns have big thighs.
South Park is so fun to watch
But Kenny always dies. (You bastards!)

Jingle bells in '98,
Jordan hasn't scored.
The NBA is out on strike and
Microsoft's in court.

Jingle bells in '98,
The year just came and went.
We leave you with a pleasant thought,
Al Gore's not president.

Ho Ho Ho Ho! That Lewinsky gal's a ho ho ho!
Can't wait to get to her house.

 

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