The Hymns and Carols of Christmas

The IRS Version of Rudolph

IF RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER HAD BEEN
WRITTEN BY THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE (IRS)

To the tune of "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

Rudolf was a four hooved ungulate

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

who incidentally possessed a nasal appendage of a maroon lustre.

Had a very shiny nose.

Consequently, if circumstances were to present themselves that he ever came into your view,

And if you ever saw him

you would most undoubtedly remark at its illuminary qualities. 

You would even say it glows.

The multitude of other ecological community

All of the other reindeer

had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms, the objective of which was to lower his self-confidence and make him unhappy.

Used to laugh and call him names.

They also excluded him

They never let poor Rudolph

from participation in leisure activities consistent with their species.

Join in any reindeer games.

However, on the twenty-fourth of December in an unspecified year,

Then one foggy Christmas eve

a mythological, supernatural being inherent to western culture (who symbolizes the Christmas attitudes and allegedly brings gifts to children) arrived through the supersaturated, humid air. 

Santa came to say,

He formally invited Rudolph,

"Rudolph

due to his extraordinary nasal characteristic,

with your nose so bright

to stand at the forefront of his snow vehicle with the express purpose that he navigate through the mist. 

Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

Therefore the multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community who had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms reversed their disposition toward Rudolph to a more congenial, amicable relationship.

Then all the reindeer loved him

They consequently exclaimed with great exaltation and fervor,

And they shouted out with glee,

"Rudolph, the antlered mammal with a maroon nasal appendage,

"Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,

you shall most certainly be recorded in the   annals of time and your memory will be preserved for posterity."

"You'll go down in history!"

 

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